Brutal Honesty

I feel torn in two.

In just one week, I'll be back to work. In just one week, I'll be back to work. In just ONE WEEK, I'll be back to work. See where I'm going with this? Time flies, and that's giving me a little anxiety.

My little guy is almost two months old (crazy, right?!) and that means my maternity leave is nearing its end. I've spent every moment with Jack for the past eight weeks and that's about to come to a screeching halt. To be totally honest, I feel 100% divided on going back to work. I love my sweet baby boy, but I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not pulling my hair out in the newsroom. I need to be at work to have a sense of productivity in my day, no matter how much I clean my house, or run errands. If I have too much down time, I've noticed that I over-analyze every fuss, bowel movement, or sound that comes out of Jack. I can't help it, that's just what I learned about myself over the past several weeks. I'm sure that's partially me being a first-time mom, but I think that's just how I keep my brain moving when it's not writing stories under a tight deadline. These past several weeks have given me a renewed sense of appreciation for all the stay-at-home moms out there. Don't ever feel small because you don't get up, put on a suit and have a 9 to 5. Your work is unending and goes from the moment you get up, until the moment you go to bed. Maybe one day I could be a stay-at-home mom, but for now, I don't think I have what it takes.

But the idea of going back to work makes my stomach churn. I don't want to leave Jack. I don't want to miss one moment of his childhood because I can now attest to how fast time flies. I really like my afternoon snuggles with him, and the sweet personality that's starting to shine through. I don't even mind the 3am wake-up call, because I see that sleepy face that needs his mommy or daddy so bad. What makes it harder I think is that we don't have family in the area that we can call in a pinch to watch him. We do, however, have a wonderful babysitter lined up and she puts my mind at ease. I thank God for the amazing people in the Stateline that He has put in my life. Without the kind, caring people here, I honestly think I would quit my job, move back home and take care of my baby. You all are the reason why, as much as it will pain me to leave him for a few hours a day, I'm ready to get back to work. There aren't many jobs where you meet new people everyday and tell their incredible stories. No two days are the same in news, and that's a big reason why I do it. I hope by going back to my crazy TV job, my son will one day understand he power of words, and the impact they can have.

Okay, I think I got all the deep thoughts out for this post. Let's end with a few fun things! My baby boy loves to smile, and that makes Aaron and I melt. He's also quite the chatter box (like his mama)! His favorite things to talk to include the ceiling fan, the bathroom hand towel, and our cedar chest that serves as a coffee table. Jack thoroughly enjoys his baths and lets us know by telling us all about it when he's done. He's finally outgrowing his newborn clothes and is onto the 0-3 month stuff. I also have to brag about the fact that he really only wakes up at 3am, and then about 6:30 or 7. Not too shabby for mom and dad's sleep!

Alright, that's all for now! I'll see you all soon back on the air! You know what that means, right? This girl needs some stories to share! If you have any good ones, shoot me an email at cnicks@wtvo.com.