Brutal Honesty

I feel torn in two.

In just one week, I'll be back to work. In just one week, I'll be back to work. In just ONE WEEK, I'll be back to work. See where I'm going with this? Time flies, and that's giving me a little anxiety.

My little guy is almost two months old (crazy, right?!) and that means my maternity leave is nearing its end. I've spent every moment with Jack for the past eight weeks and that's about to come to a screeching halt. To be totally honest, I feel 100% divided on going back to work. I love my sweet baby boy, but I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not pulling my hair out in the newsroom. I need to be at work to have a sense of productivity in my day, no matter how much I clean my house, or run errands. If I have too much down time, I've noticed that I over-analyze every fuss, bowel movement, or sound that comes out of Jack. I can't help it, that's just what I learned about myself over the past several weeks. I'm sure that's partially me being a first-time mom, but I think that's just how I keep my brain moving when it's not writing stories under a tight deadline. These past several weeks have given me a renewed sense of appreciation for all the stay-at-home moms out there. Don't ever feel small because you don't get up, put on a suit and have a 9 to 5. Your work is unending and goes from the moment you get up, until the moment you go to bed. Maybe one day I could be a stay-at-home mom, but for now, I don't think I have what it takes.

But the idea of going back to work makes my stomach churn. I don't want to leave Jack. I don't want to miss one moment of his childhood because I can now attest to how fast time flies. I really like my afternoon snuggles with him, and the sweet personality that's starting to shine through. I don't even mind the 3am wake-up call, because I see that sleepy face that needs his mommy or daddy so bad. What makes it harder I think is that we don't have family in the area that we can call in a pinch to watch him. We do, however, have a wonderful babysitter lined up and she puts my mind at ease. I thank God for the amazing people in the Stateline that He has put in my life. Without the kind, caring people here, I honestly think I would quit my job, move back home and take care of my baby. You all are the reason why, as much as it will pain me to leave him for a few hours a day, I'm ready to get back to work. There aren't many jobs where you meet new people everyday and tell their incredible stories. No two days are the same in news, and that's a big reason why I do it. I hope by going back to my crazy TV job, my son will one day understand he power of words, and the impact they can have.

Okay, I think I got all the deep thoughts out for this post. Let's end with a few fun things! My baby boy loves to smile, and that makes Aaron and I melt. He's also quite the chatter box (like his mama)! His favorite things to talk to include the ceiling fan, the bathroom hand towel, and our cedar chest that serves as a coffee table. Jack thoroughly enjoys his baths and lets us know by telling us all about it when he's done. He's finally outgrowing his newborn clothes and is onto the 0-3 month stuff. I also have to brag about the fact that he really only wakes up at 3am, and then about 6:30 or 7. Not too shabby for mom and dad's sleep!

Alright, that's all for now! I'll see you all soon back on the air! You know what that means, right? This girl needs some stories to share! If you have any good ones, shoot me an email at cnicks@wtvo.com.

The Poop Post

I never thought I'd care so much about bowl movements...

In my last post I detailed some of the feeding issues we've been having with Jack. His tummy would get so full and gassy, and he'd just be miserable. After giving his original formula (Enfamil Newborn) a solid 3-4 weeks to get into his system, my husband and I realized it just wasn't meshing with our baby. We switched and all was well... almost.

I was so excited when Jack took to the new formula (Gerber Soothe) well because you never know if he'll like it or not. One time we tried a sample of Enfamil Gentlease and he gagged on it and wouldn't drink any more. The Gerber really seemed to help with the gas almost immediately and this mommy was SO RELIEVED! But then it caused a new problem. Poor Jack was passing rock hard stools. I called the pediatrician on Friday explaining his bathroom situation. He recommended we switch to a soy formula. Later that night Jack passed a softer stool so we decided to wait a bit longer before switching, thinking maybe his body was adjusting. Wrong. On Sunday, he wailed for a solid 20 minutes on the changing table while trying to go to the bathroom,  I felt like the worst mother in the world! I seriously cried right along with him. We switched to the soy formula and so far so good. I'm still worried though that he'll have one more hard bowl movement before the old formula is out of his digestive system.

Luckily, his check-up was amazing, Monday. In one month, my baby boy has gone from 6.6 lbs at birth, to 8.13! He's getting to be so big! Despite the tummy trouble (which I've been reassured is super common), he's still eating really well and I'm so thankful for that. Poor little dude had to get a shot though, and that was tough to watch. He calmed down pretty quickly after, thank goodness! I know the vaccines are necessary, but that doesn't make them any less painful for baby... or for mom for that matter! I couldn't be more thankful that my little guy is so healthy, and we just pray he stays that way.

Okay, one last aside. This post might make some of you sneer a bit as I vent about my formula troubles and how I hate seeing my son get a shot. I stick by my decision to formula feed. It's convenient, and I feel it will work the best for both myself and Jack once I head back to work. To be honest, I also can't say that I really ever had the desire to breast feed. And as for the vaccines, I'll probably have several posts in the future about how I hate making my child get them... but I firmly believe they are so important. Everyone makes what they feel are the best decisions for their child. These are mine. I respect those of you with differing opinions and I hope you'll respect mine.

I'm sure that last bit won't win me any friends, but I feel like I needed to clear the air before I continue writing posts that will likely discuss both formula and vaccines in the future.

Trial and Error

Newborns are tough to figure out...

Passed Out! Haha!

I have the sweetest baby boy in the whole wide world (I know, every mom says that), which is why it bothers me so bad when I can't figure out why he's upset. I'm blessed because Jack is not fussy, but when he is, then I feel like something is definitely wrong.

Recently my little man has been battling a gassy tummy. It was bad enough last Friday that I don't think I slept a wink, and immediately brought him to the pediatrician the next day. I know, I know, first time mommy worries. Thank goodness they are open on Saturdays! I know lots of babies battle gas, but it's painful for me to watch Jack squirm and hear his stomach roll. The doctor recommended I try using the gas relief drops for infants, and pace him while he eats. I asked whether I should try a new formula (currently I'm using Enfamil Newborn), and she said that wasn't necessary, although she pointed out that Enfamil makes a gentle formula. Unfortunately, Jack HATES the Gentlease formula. I bought the drops and tried to pace him (because he inhales the stuff) but it still wasn't all that much better. Then my mother-in-law noticed the bottles and nipples I was using were actually for babies 3 months on up. I know, rookie mistake. Now we're using the Playtex Nurser "Naturalatch" bottles and nipples, along with purified water. I don't want to jinx anything, but those changes seemed to have helped. I've even backed off using the gas relief drops as much as possible. He still gets squirmy so it's not a perfect solution, but it's a start. Has anyone else battled the gassy stomach? How long did the phase last, and what did you do to cut down on your newborn's misery? 

On a brighter note, Jack, my mother-in-law and I all went to the park Tuesday afternoon. When it's this gorgeous outside, how can you not enjoy it? It was Jack's first time out in the elements (other than running into a store) and he handled it pretty well! He only had a couple small fits and they were quickly squelched! It felt so good to get out of the house and even better to get a little exercise. 

First Trip to the Belvidere Park!

I've been feeling better and better which is definitely helping my mood. I wouldn't say I've had the baby blues or post postpartum depression, but the crazy hormones have definitely caught me off guard a couple times. My poor husband and mother-in-law have witnessed me cry my eyes out while laughing simultaneously because even I can't figure out what's wrong, haha! Who knew the aftershock of having a kid could mess with your body so much?! 

I'm also starting to get the hang of taking Jack out with me, but it's definitely stressful. I can't wait for him to be able to hold his head up because I feel like his head just hangs so awkwardly in his car seat. The hospital made sure to show me how to put Jack in it right, but it just looks so uncomfortable! I also hate that he has to face the back. I understand why, but let's be real, it stinks to not be able to reach back and give him his pacifier without have to pull over and get out to do so. What have you guys found works to pacify your upset newborn in the car? Jack does well for the most part, but he's had a couple outbursts while I've been driving and I feel so helpless! At least he does well in the stroller (even though it's heavy)! 

And on that note, I'm taking the little guy upstairs for bed! Here's to broken up sleep, haha! 

Welcome to Motherhood!

I can't believe it's been two weeks since baby Jack made his great escape!

Every time I look into his little face, my heart melts. I also can't help but worry a little bit. I want to keep him this age forever so that no kids can ever pick on him, no one can ever hurt him, and he doesn't have to deal with our messed up and confusing world. Is that borrowing trouble? Most definitely. I just love him so much.

Jack is such a good baby. The child fusses very little, but my goodness can he generate some laundry! I'm so thankful my mom was here for the past couple weeks to help out. She did ENDLESS loads of laundry and cooked for us too. Jack tends to wet himself frequently because preemie diapers are too small and newborn diapers are a bit too large for his skinny butt! Anyone else have this problem? Aaron and I have found that Luvs work the best for him, but we still end up changing Jack's clothes and sheets about 3-5 times a day because he leaks! And trust me, we check his diaper frequently, so it's not like we're letting him fill it before it gets changed.

 My mom and I took Jack on a little outing the other day just to get out.

First trip out!

I was definitely getting cabin fever but I knew I wouldn't last long. In fact, Jack outlasted mommy! We went to the mall briefly, then to Olive Garden for lunch. It felt SO GOOD to get out however brief our adventure was. I never thought it would take my body so long to recover from labor and delivery. I'm sure that sounds silly because it's not everyday one pushes out a child, but I thought I'd be back in action within a week! No lies, probably the most difficult part of these past couple weeks is coming to the realization that I'm still healing and I just can't be as productive as I want to be yet. I'm used to a job where I go, go, go all the time, so staying at home and laying on the couch makes me feel like a bum even though I know it's what I need to do to heal. At least my little guy is here and I can snuggle with him whenever I want (and let's be real, this child relaxes is mommy's arms WAY MORE than he's in his crib or pack n' play, haha)!

The love and support for Jack has been unending. As I said, my mom stayed with us since the day after he was born through yesterday. My sister is coming to stay with me this weekend since Aaron is in a wedding in Missouri. My mother-in-law is then coming up Sunday to stay with us a week. Not to mention the fact that we've had plenty of visits from friends (shout out to Nick Toma and Mimi Murphy for popping in to meet Jack), and members of our church took time out of their day to cook us dinner and stop by for a visit. Aaron and I also received gorgeous flowers from both his job and of course from my WTVO/WQRF family. Thanks everyone for the love!

Flowers from WTVO!

Jack is healthy. Mom is recovering. Dad is kicking butt both at work and at home. What more can I ask for? God is good.

Baby Jack Has Arrived!

Wow, it's been a while since my last post, but that's because A LOT has happened! I'm proud to announce that baby Jack Anthony is here!

On Thursday, Sept. 4, I went to the doctor's for an ultra sound, non-stress test, and exam. When I left, I had an induction scheduled for 8 pm that very night! Sadly, little Jack had gained less than a pound since my 36 week ultra sound, and he also had his cord around his neck. Both of those facts sent me into panic mode, but my doctor reassured me that both issues are very common, he just thought it would be best to go ahead and get him out. And so the start of a very long night began!

Aaron and I got to SwedishAmerican at 7:45, but they were so busy that the actual induction didn't start until a little before midnight! We both got very little sleep between the start of contractions, frequent nurse check-ups, and getting my epidural (which was surprisingly not nearly as painful as I thought it would be!). Once the drugs kicked in, I was able to nap and I'm glad I did while I could. As the day went on, Friday, things certainly didn't get easier. I was really excited at one point because I dilated from a 2 to an 8 in about an hour and a half, but because it happened so quick, the epidural wasn't adequately keeping up. I ended up with one completely dead, numb leg, and the other was pretty mobile. That means I started feeling the contractions, and I was feeling them when they were at their strongest... ouch! I don't know how women do it completely epidural free because what I felt, sucked! Baby wasn't doing so well with my contractions either. His heart rate plummeted pretty far at times, and so they had to hook up what the nurse described as a "whirlpool" for the baby and they gave me an oxygen mask. By about 4:00 pm, I was completely dilated and ready to go. The doctor let me "labor down" for a bit and by 5:55, I pushed out my handsome man. What a feeling. I've never felt my heart soar as much as it did when they laid his little 6lb, 6oz body on mine. Jack Anthony arrived and was healthy as can be!

Family of 3!

No happier feeling in the world.

My husband's parents, my parents and my sister and her husband all came to the hospital to see our little man and we definitely appreciated the love and support. The hospital stay wasn't the most pleasant for me (VERY SORE!), but seeing Jack's face made it all worth while. We finally got to leave Sunday night and let me just say, it felt AMAZING to be home.

Homeward bound!

My mom and dad greeted us and have been a big help these past few days. Jack is a VERY GOOD BABY! He rarely fusses, only when he's being changed or needs a bottle. Yeah, our sleep pattern is interrupted, but again, when we see his little face, a full night's sleep just doesn't even matter. He's already trying to hold his head up (which he does successfully for a few seconds! Not bad for being a few days old!), and he makes the funniest faces! They say your newborn smiles without knowing it, but Aaron and I think otherwise. Jack smiles A LOT, and we like to think it's because he's such a happy baby. If' I'm wrong, I just assume not be corrected, haha!

As for mom and dad, we're getting the hang of this whole parenting thing. I'm still moving pretty slow, so Aaron has really stepped up his game. Nothing makes me more proud than seeing my husband be a great dad.

Did I mention that Jack has already made his TV debut? Check out the link here. Shout out to my Eyewitness News family for all their love and support. I'm going to miss them for the next several weeks.

We appreciate all the positive thoughts and prayers being sent our way. Labor was a little sketchy, but everything ended up being just fine. God is good.

Sleeping beauty.

And The Real Countdown Begins...

T-minus just a few days until my little one's due date!

39 Weeks Pregnant!

I can't believe my due date is THIS FRIDAY!!!!! The bean is almost here! I have to say though, he can come annnnnny time he wants now. Clearly, I'm not a patient person, haha! This weekend, I think the husband and I tried every trick in the book to induce labor, from walking, to swinging, to eating spicy food, but to no avail. I'm open to suggestions of other things to try too by the way. My grandma reminded me this weekend that "when the apple is ripe, it will fall from the tree," and I'm trying to keep that in mind, but it's so tough when you're at this point! Not only do I want to meet my little man, but I'm also uncomfortable, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep.

Nonetheless, Aaron and I have made the most of our time together. I did a little shopping at my favorite antique shops (I'm a HUGE antique nerd), we went out to eat and then hit up the Belvidere vs. Belvidere North game on Saturday with Mimi and her hubby. Sunday, we went to church and then had lunch with our two friends and their adorable 3 kiddos. It was time well spent as a family of two.


Baby Jack's nursery is pretty much ready for him now (minus a little housekeeping)! The pictures are hung, and tonight Aaron set up his little swing. Can I just say that I wish there was a swing for adults like this one? Why do kids get all the fun stuff?!?! 

Epic swing is now set up!

My gut is telling me that this child is going to make me go past my due date and I don't think I'll handle it gracefully if I do, sadly. I've seriously been praying for patience each night before I go to bed. I know I should trust God's plan and that obviously the kid will come out eventually, but it's just so hard sometimes! What's more frustrating is that I don't feel like I've really experienced any of the common signs of labor. Did anyone else feel like this? Did everything eventually just hit at once? Perhaps my frustration is compounded by the fact that  all my friends keep posting about their pre-labor pains and they aren't even as far along as me... Everyone is seriously popping out babies right now! I think I need to stay off Facebook because it's only enhancing my frustrations, haha!

Alright everyone, hopefully my next post will be about my brand new baby boy and his arrival. Any final words of advice for this first-time mom-to-be?

Non-Stress, No Problem!

What a ham!

The bean was such a show-off at my non-stress test, Friday. The doctor hooked me up to all kinds of fun contraptions to monitor my baby's heart rate and movement. Gotta say, that was the easiest doctor's appointment ever: lay there and push a button every time he moves... yeah, I think I can handle that, haha! The way this kid moves, I can't say I was too worried. In no time flat he had moved so much that the belts strapped to my belly had nearly slid off where the nurse placed them!

Bottom line: the doctor said the charts didn't look good... they looked PERFECT! God is truly watching over our baby boy and I couldn't feel more blessed.

What gets awkward is nearly every appointment, the doctor asks me if I have had contractions...and I generally answer "no". Honestly, I think I have had a few Braxton Hicks going off what I've read they feel like, but that's just it, I have no idea what a contraction feels like! I've had TONS of strange feelings ranging from a little pressure, to pains shooting down my legs, but how the heck am I supposed to answer that daunting question when this is my first pregnancy and I have no clue what anything feels like?! So frustrating. I'm sure I'll know when I'm in labor...? Oh, here's a random question for any of my fellow lady friends out there who are or have been preggers: did you have nausea this late (37 weeks) in the game? I was one of the lucky few out there that didn't have morning sickness whatsoever early on, but last night and a few other times I've felt the urge to get sick. Thankfully, I haven't, but I have clung to the trashcan anticipating the worst.

On a lighter note, I got more work done in his nursery this weekend, and that's lifting so much stress off my shoulders. I basically just have to add a few decorative touches and it should be done (not that the kid will spend much time in there at first)!

Don't worry, the blanket will come down. It's just decorative :)

37 Weeks!

Happy 37 weeks (and 2 days now, haha) to baby Jack! I can't wait for his arrival! I'd take any prayers and positive thoughts you might be willing to share for not only a healthy baby, but for patience. I just want him here, selfishly, and I know he's going to stay put until he's ready... so it's out of my control, and that is just killing me!

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Back to the grind tomorrow. Let's do this.

Also, feel free to connect with me on my Facebook page and via Twitter! I promise not to clog up your news feeds :)